Neighbours
by DonnaSmith
Summary: 35 year old Rowena Denali has lived in Quahog, Rhode Island for all her life and she grows close with the Griffins across the street from her. She is like a second mom to the Griffin children and attended the same high school as them. Just a fanfic that's fun to read. -Icieeyes
1. Jemima's Witnesses

The Griffins were sitting on the purple couch with Rowena who sat on the floor in front of the television. "Mom, dad, If found cigarettes in Greg's jacket!" A blonde girl on the television huffed as she held up a pack of cigarettes. "Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?" The father asks, glancing to Greg. "No, dad." He answered. "He's lying; there's no doubt about that. Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be four hours in the snake pit." Greg's father announced, pressing a button to open up a secret shaft in the floor. "Maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done." He added.

"Aw, man!" Greg whined and jumped into the snake pit. "That'll teach him." Greg's sister crossed her arms over her chest. "And, Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire for tattling on your brother." The father walked over to a metallic silver door and press the button so it'd slide open. "Ugh, smoking, how does a boy like that do so wrong?" Lois asks in disbelief. "Well, they live in a crummy neighbourhood." Peter replied knowingly. "The Brady's?" Brian questioned, baffled from the floor. "Oh, yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it." Peter replied.

"You folks want some pancakes?" A dark skinned woman randomly asked from the window. "No, thank you. See, that's the worst we got is... Jemima's witnesses." Peter stated, pointing with his thumb to the dark skinned woman still standing at the window with a stack of pancakes.


	2. No Alcohol

It was nightfall upon Spooner street and Rowena was in the kitchen helping Lois prepare tonight's dinner. Meg, Chris, and Stewie were sitting at the kitchen table. Chris was studying for school and Meg was reading a magazine. "Mom, my lips are too thin, can I please get collagen injections?" Meg begged, looking up from her magazine. "Meg, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the worlds problems stems from poor self image." Lois says. "Yeah, Meg. You look great." Rowena compliments before a cutaway scene interludes:

A young Adolf Hitler was working out at a gym where a muscly looking man had women hovering around him, giggling as they felt his biceps. Adolf scoffed as he watched the scene.

"Excellent, the mind control device is nearing completion." Stewie announced, holding the device up in pride. "Stewie, I said no toys at the table." Lois scolded, waving a finger at him while holding the device. "Damn you, vile woman!" Stewie cursed. Rowena sighed, looking after Stewie was a handful, even with Lois around. "You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb." Stewie whined while holding up a screwdriver.

"Oh, don't pout honey, you know, when you were born; the doctor said you were the happiest looking baby he's ever seen." Lois soothed, patting Stewie gently on his football shaped head. "But of course, that was my victory day, the fruition of my deeply laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian bastille. Return the device, woman!" Stewie shouted, pointing the screwdriver at Lois. Lois handed the device to Rowena who opened a cupboard and stowed it away. "No, toys, Stewie." Lois said. "Vey well, then. Mark my words, when you least expect it, your uppance will come."

Rowena felt chills run up her spine and decided to ignore it. After all, Stewie was only a baby. "Mom, can I turn the heat up?" Meg asked, getting down from her chair and walking towards the thermostat, reaching for it. "Oh, don't touch the thermostat, Meg. Your father gets upset." Lois said as Rowena glazed the ham. "Come on, this thing goes up to ninety." Meg insisted defiantly and moved the dial to the right. The door suddenly opened next to her urgently. "Who touched the thermostat?" Peter questioned, glancing from side to side. "God, how does he always know?" Meg asked, fascinated.

"Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one." Peter explained, pointing to a temple. "Tells you when the children mess with the dial." Peter added proudly. The back door opened quickly and a random man asked, "Hey, Peter, my thing went off. Your thermostat okay?" He touched a temple and pointed to the thermostat inside. Rowena laughed as she thought that couldn't be anymore ironic. "Yeah, it's alright." Peter said reassuringly. "Hey, is my kid over here?" A balding dark skinned man popped up from nowhere. "Forget it! False alarm." The white man held up a reassuring hand as a Chinese man appeared from afar.

"Whoa, ass ahoy." Brian interrupted, glancing to Peter's green pants. Rowena smirked as she thought what Brian said was funny. "Hey, uh, Peter. It's seven o'clock and you've still got your pants on. What's the occasion?" Brian asked, surprised. "He's going to a stag party." Lois answered for Brian with a harsh tone as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Now, Lois I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house and as the man I order you to give me permission to go to this party." Peter demanded.

"Look, at least promise me you won't drink." Lois compromised. "Alcohol always leads to trouble." She added and Rowena nodded in agreement. "Come on, you're worrying about nothing." Peter neared Lois, calmly wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Oh, remember when you got drunk off the communion wine at church?" Lois reminded him.

Flashback: A priest stands behind the podium in a full church. "And so the lord God smote poor Job with festering boils all over his body." He says. "Aw man, I hate it when he tells this story." The lord whispers from the benches. "Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to retain his dignity." The priest continued as Peter was bent over, sipping a liquid from a golden cup. Peter coughed from the sip and asked, "Whoa, is that really the blood of christ?" "Yes." The priest responded. "Man, that guy must've been wasted twenty-four hours a day, huh?" Peter commented. End of flashback.

"And then there was that the ice cream store." Lois added.

"Oh, butter rum's my favourite." Petter announced, holding the ice cream cone where he and his family stand around a table at the ice cream parlour. Peter licked the ice cream once and fell face first into the table in front of him. Brian ascends from the floor beside Peter. "And remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?" Brian asked, making everyone look at him.

The family was at a theatre, the people inside were crying except for Chris, Meg, and Peter. "I got it, that's the guy from Big. Tom Hanks, that's it. Funny guy, Tom Hanks. Everything he says is a stitch." Peter says, pointing at the screen. "I have aids." Tom Hanks's character announces on the film. Peter starts to laugh hysterically and Meg gives him cut eye.

"Promise me Peter." Lois demands. "Lois, honey, I promise. Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight." Peter said, trying to sound honest.


	3. Jobless Peter

It was morning time upon the Griffin house, Rowena was yet again visiting them, she was trying to help Lois encourage Meg to finish her breakfast. The orange haired house wife was pouring some coffee into a mug, she glanced back at the family who sat at the table as Peter disgracefully laid down on the table in a drunken fashion.

The Griffins considered Rowena as family because she was always there for them in bad and good times...they'd call her for support and advice. You could say she was their lifetime-free babysitter. "Meg, finish your pancakes." Lois prompted. "Chris, elbows off your father." She scolded as Peter took up half the table. Nobody felt comfortable to eat. "Thanks, son." Peter said gratefully. "Thanks for breakfast, Lois." Rowena said with an award winning smile. "Anytime." Lois replied warmly, sitting down at the head of the table.

"37 beers. You're setting a great example for the kids, Peter." Lois said in a lecturing tone. "Yeah. A new family record. Way to raise the bar, Dad." Chris said, congratulating him. Rowena glanced to Lois and figured it wasn't her turn to scold Chris as family matters were into play. "Chris, your 13, don't talk like that." She said sternly. "Kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty...would take her clothes off." Peter admitted, unashamed. "Peter, what did you promise me last night?" Lois said in a serious tone. "I wouldn't drink at the stage party." Peter replied without hesitation.

"And what did you do?" Lois interrogated, crossing her arms over her chest disapprovingly. "Drank at the stag..." Peter trailed off as he realized Lois's game of reverse psychology. The sugar and plate of eggs bounced on Peter's chest as he chuckled. "I almost walked right into that one. God!" Peter exclaimed scathingly, "Feels like accountants are cranking adding machines in my head." He added dramatically, holding his temples. "The effects of a hangover." Rowena huffed in disbelief, finishing off the last of her eggs. "You see, Peter, a hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean..." Rowena flinched as she heard the sound of snapping wood and Lois gasping in shock as she fell off her chair.

"Mom, are you alright?" Meg asked, panicked. Rowena jumped from her seat and went over to Lois, offering a hand up from the floor. "My goodness, this chair leg was loose." Lois said, holding it up after Rowena returned to her seat beside Stewie. "Isn't that silly, I could've broken my neck." Lois continued sourly. "Damn." Stewie cursed, agitated. "Look, honey, I took a cab home, slept on a table so I wouldn't wake you up. Nothing bad happened." Peter argued reasonably, oblivious to Lois falling off her chair.

"Well, I guess you're right." Lois rolled her eyes back, defeated. Rowena arched her eyebrows in confusion, Peter never got away with anything and this time because she fell off her chair, he has? "Apology accepted. Alright, I'm going to work, somebody's gotta put food on this table." Peter said, unmoving. He then flipped off the table onto his stomach, knocking on the contents on the table fall and shatter to the floor.

...

"And now back to Action News 5. Our top story tonight, "When Toys Attack." Quite a situation we've got here, Tom." Diane announces on the television.

"Quite a situation we've got here, Tom, indeed, Diane. The Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Company of Quahog, Rhode lsland... has released highly unsafe products into the retail market." Tom adds.

...

It was now dinner time at the Griffin residence, Rowena, Brian, Stewie, Chris, and Meg were sitting around the table, gawking at Peter in shock. "Oh my god, you got fired?" Meg exclaimed at once. "Way to go, Dad. Fight the machine." Chris said, raising a fist and then bumping it in the air. "How do you know about the machine?" Stewie asked accusingly, pointing at Chris, making everyone stare at him. "Now, don't worry, kids. Your father's still gonna put food on this table just not as much so it might get a little competitive." Peter said not as concerned as everyone else. "Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections." Meg whined.

Rowena grimaced subtly as Meg began covering her face with both her hands, presumably crying. "Hey, Peter, can we put her out in the yard for awhile?" Brian said jokingly, pointing to the window in the room. "Okay, who's hungry?" Lois asked from the kitchen. "Aw, jeez, how the hell am I going to break this to Lois?" Peter was frantic, Meg recovered but not from crying, she was just overwhelmed. "If she finds out I got fired for drinking, she's gonna blame me." Peter theorized. Rowena rolled her eyes back and sat up straight in her chair, waiting for food to be served.

"Look, I don't want your mom to worry, all right?" Peter said, capturing everyone's attention. "When she worries she says things like "I told you so" and, "stop doing that, I'm asleep." So I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay? And not a word to your mom about me getting canned." Peter said sharply, raising a hand of warning to everyone as Lois entered the dining room with the food in her hands, still steaming from the oven. "What's that, Peter?" She asked, plopping some food down on Meg's plate. "Uh, uh...the lost-my-job smells great." Peter said quickly as Lois put lots of food down on his plate as he picked up his fork.

"What?" Lois asked in a incredulous tone. Rowena coughed into her arm. "You alright?" Brian asked her with concern. "Just fine." She intended it as a sarcastic cough but she guessed it wasn't in his comical dictionary at the moment. "Meg, honey? Can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?" Peter questioned in a rushed voice. "Peter, are you feeling okay?" Lois inquired in an angelic voice as she served Brian and Rowena their food. Peter chuckled nervously and raised his arms high beside him. "I feel great, I haven't got a job in the world." He returned his arms to his sides as Rowena and Brian smirked. Rowena was on the edge of laughter though she resisted by shoving a forkload of food into her mouth.

"All right, then let's eat. I know you all hate eggplant, but..." Lois got interrupted as a violet coloured laser beam shot into the air. She gasped in shock and continued to stare at the direction it was last seen before it mysteriously evaporated into thin air. Everyone was staring with aghast at the burn hole in the wall where the laser hit it. "What on earth was that?" Lois inquired, her arms positioned with the element of surprise. Everyone turned their heads to look at Stewie, Lois's arms reverted to a normal state. Stewie was holding a sandwich and nobody seemed to noticed the grey nozzle sticking out of the sandwich.

"What the deuce are you staring at? It's a tuna fish...and nothing else." Stewie said demandingly, making the nozzle disappear before glaring at everyone.


End file.
